Firstly let me apologise to those friends of mine who voted for Brexit; I probably had a bit of a rant at you on Friday but this was purely down to the shock of the result.

With that out of the way, I have had time to consider what the country decided last week and whilst I was scared on Friday morning, my fears started to dissipate the more my mind returned to rationality. This wasn’t due to a reduced concern about the complete shitfuck that leaving the EU would supply but more to a reduced expectation that anyone would actually trigger Article 50.

‘But democracy’ I hear the Brexiters cry.

Yeah. That.

But I’m in Scotland and our majority was to stay. Whose democracy do we go with?

That’s another hot potato for another campfire but even if Scotland do remain in the Union, will any Conservative PM actually trigger Article 50 without understanding all the potential outcomes? Within hours of the result being declared we had leading Leave campaigners distancing themselves from the misinformation they built their campaign around.

Uncle Nigel, that relative we all have who is apparently great to have a pint with and desperately tries to keep his racism in check but we all know he is an obnoxious git and only speak to because he is Nan’s favourite and we are concerned she might have a heart attack if we tell her her son is a complete twat, yeah that one; anyway, Uncle Nigel instantly dismissed the mahoosive poster on their ‘Bus of Hate’ suggesting they spend £350m a week on the NHS. He was soon followed by various other astonishing U-turning politicians dismissing claims that immigration would be reduced and that ‘taking back control’ was on the agenda.

 

And then came the hate. And the racism.

Of course, not all Brexiters are racist – only a tiny minority are as was seen in the news VoxPops on Friday; however there is an argument that all racists voted Leave.

We watched as the theory of evolution was trashed by idiots stating they didn’t realise what they were voting for, cockwombles saying they voted Leave to get rid of the muslims and spunk trumpets wanting to change their minds. We watched as the Brexit voting Cornwall asked for the EU funding to be replaced, Boris telling us that the markets had stabilised whilst traders were jumping out of windows behind him and the pound dropped quicker than gravitys influence on those traders.

Let’s be honest, it is a clusterfuck of such proportions that only the British electorate could create. This being the electorate that gave power to the pork loving premier and his never-get-tired-of-punching-in-the-face fiscally challenged lapdog Osbourne.

And then it got worse as our Prime Minister decided that after leading us into such a gargantuan shit-ton fuckup, that it was all getting too hard for him before resigning to probably spend time amongst lucrative city directorships and watching re-runs of Peppa Pig in a dark room with the Kleenex close-by. One positive was that Osbourne disappeared but his smugness unfortunately reappeared after the weekend to deliver his portent of doom – increased taxes and lower spending.

Thanks Sunderland.

And Wales.

And everywhere else that believed the Leave campaign nonsense.

But we are where we are. Which is up the shittiest creek in shitty-creek land without even a canoe, let alone a paddle; struggling to stay afloat whilst swallowing…. You get the idea.

What next? Well, at least we have a strong opposition to help us start negotiations with the EU.

Oh.

Fuck.

I console myself that both my adopted homeland of Scotland and my city of birth Liverpool, both saw sense with the majority voting to Stay. I also console myself that Scottish politicians from the scary-as-fuck First Minster, through the scottish-as-fuck Alyn Smith showed those jobs-for-the-boys nepotistic idiots down south how true politics and statesmanship (statespersonship) is done.

I’m no longer worried, but I am going to purchase a mountain of popcorn and watch the fun (if inflation hasn’t made it most costly that my house that is!). I just don’t see any Prime Minister having the guys to actually trigger Article 50 (apart from Gove because he is a complete and utter <<insert your profanity of choice here>>) although if it does happen it is likely to trigger the break up of the Union. Either that, or a Braveheart style battle in true Battle of the Bastards mode of which there can only be one winner!

The irony now is that most people are agreeing now that should the UK leave, they would have to negotiate a free market deal which would also require agreement of free movement, taking on some of the EC rules AND with a payment which would be similar to our current net payment. So status quo without the ability to change.

Yeah, well done nuggets.